The fish man clocked it first.
“What’s the crowd for?” he asked, leaning out of his van stacked with boxes. “Manchester United are staying here.” “Jaysus! Must be their first time in Europe this season.”
Rude, yes. But not entirely without sting.
Out at Carton House on Tuesday morning, the welcome felt a little kinder. A loose semi-circle of schoolkids, phones raised, shirts on, faces expectant, lined the path to the training pitches. Most of them are too young to remember United as anything more than a brand and a Netflix documentary subject, never mind a side that once hoarded Premier League titles as a matter of routine.
Thirteen years since the last league crown. An entire childhood.
The stories of Roy Keane and Ryan Giggs, of treble runs and title deciders, are hand-me-down tales now, passed on by parents and grandparents. It hasn’t dulled the noise. The shriek that greeted Bruno Fernandes would have stripped paint. For a moment, Carton House sounded less like a training base and more like a Westlife reunion.
Fitting, then, that Nicky Byrne was there, tucked in among the onlookers.
“Woody! Woody!” he roared when he spotted Jonathan Woodgate, now part of Michael Carrick’s coaching staff. Woodgate broke from the warm-up, strode over and wrapped his old Leeds United youth teammate in a bear hug. A boyband star and a former England defender sharing a moment on the touchline. Pre-season, Irish edition.
A little further along stood Paul Flynn and Carla Rowe, Dublin royalty with 12 All-Ireland medals between them and an intimate knowledge of Croke Park. They know every blade of grass in the place. The United squad, who will face Leeds there in a friendly on August 12th, very much do not.
One of their Brazilians almost certainly won’t get that experience.
As Casemiro jogged through his warm-up, a young voice broke from the crowd: “One more year, Casemiro!” The chant has become a soundtrack at United games since the midfielder announced he would leave at the end of the season, a plea wrapped in nostalgia and gratitude.
Casemiro has admitted the words make his wife cry. Whether from the affection shown to her husband or the prospect of another year in Manchester, he didn’t specify.
This is United in 2024: a global behemoth on a strangely quiet calendar. Between their last competitive outing, against Bournemouth, and their next, against Leeds on Monday, the players will have gone 24 days without a match. No European football. No deep runs in the League Cup or FA Cup. Just a long, slightly awkward pause before the final push to salvage a Champions League place.
Call it rest. Call it a reset. Call it, with a raised eyebrow, a canny strategy.
They landed in Kildare on Monday, chasing a change of scenery and doing their bit to flog that Croke Park friendly. Their presence came at a cost. The Armagh panel, in for a championship camp before facing Tyrone, suddenly found the pitches dressed for soccer rather than Gaelic football.
Armagh’s Oisín Conaty took it in good humour. A Liverpool supporter, he shrugged that United probably needed the training more than Armagh did.
On the grass, Carrick’s session ran with the familiar Premier League rhythm: rondos, patterns of play, finishing drills. On the sideline, the media pack – many flown in from England – waited for their turn. When it came, Amad Diallo and Bryan Mbeumo stepped forward.
Mbeumo, the Cameroon international who arrived from Brentford last summer in a €75 million deal, did the local charm offensive, at least to the extent of pretending he knew Croke Park.
“Playing Leeds is a big rivalry for the club, it’s going to be good to play this kind of game especially in this historic stadium and big stadium. We have a big community of fans here. We’re very excited,” he said, hitting every note the club’s commercial team could have scripted.
He spoke warmly about Brentford and their current manager, Keith Andrews, too. The Irishman, he said, had been central to last season’s success, masterminding set pieces and driving standards.
“He’d been a big part of our success last season, he looked after the set pieces but he had already the capacity to talk, to motivate, to bring the best out of ourselves. I’m not really surprised by what he’s doing this season, especially because they kept a strong group. I am really happy for what he is doing.”
The inevitable question hovered over the day: who takes charge of United next season?
“It’s not for us as players to decide,” came the joint line from Mbeumo and Diallo. Diplomatic, as required. They did, though, underline the impact Carrick has made since stepping in as interim manager in January.
“He knows the journey of the club, he knows how to talk to us as well, I think it’s been easier because he knew the house,” Mbeumo said. A simple phrase, but a telling one. United, for all their money and reach, have often looked like a club that forgot what its own house used to feel like.
Around them, the session wound down. Cones were gathered, bibs tossed into bags, boots unstrapped. The players drifted back towards the hotel, past the kids still angling for one last selfie, one last autograph.
Lunch awaited inside. The fish van had long since gone.
